You really have to hand it to the Prime Minister. While the rest of the country is worrying about NHS waiting lists or the cost of living, Starmer is busy curating a rogues’ gallery that would make Batman’s enemies list look like a village fête. He’s built a coalition of the creepy, the corrupt, and the corporate that is genuinely breathtaking in its audacity.
Let’s start with the elephant in the room—or rather, the spyware in the server room. Palantir. The name sounds like something out of a dark fantasy novel, which is fitting, because the reality reads like a dystopian screenplay. Starmer has embedded this American data surveillance firm so deep into the NHS that you have to wonder if he’s got shares in the company .
Here’s the kicker: this isn’t just any tech company. Palantir is the digital enforcer for the Israeli military. We are talking about technology that has been used to facilitate the bombardment of Gaza, helping to generate “kill lists” in what has been described as an “AI war” . The same firm that helps the IDF target “enemies” (which, in Gaza, has tragically included journalists, aid workers, and civilians) is now being handed the medical records of your gran.
Campaigners and doctors are screaming into the void. The British Medical Association has declared Palantir an “unacceptable choice of partner.” A poll found that nearly half of the public would opt out of data sharing if this vulture is involved . But why would Starmer listen to doctors? He’s too busy taking tips from Peter Mandelson.
And speaking of the “Prince of Darkness” himself. If Palantir is the hardware of this government’s rot, Lord Mandelson is the software. Starmer appointed this man—a man who has resigned from cabinet twice before under a cloud of scandal—as the UK’s ambassador to the US .
It turns out, Mandelson was such good friends with the disgraced pedophile Jeffrey Epstein that he was sharing sensitive government information with him during the financial crisis. Emails show Mandelson talking about policy changes and bailout packages, and apparently trying to get Epstein to find “rich individuals” for his lobbying firm, Global Counsel . For this, Starmer gave him the keys to the Washington embassy.
When the emails dropped, Starmer tried to play the victim. He claimed Mandelson “lied repeatedly” to him. But hold on. Are we really supposed to believe that the vetting process missed the fact that Mandelson was taking money from accounts linked to Epstein? The police are now investigating Mandelson for misconduct in public office—an offense that carries a potential life sentence . And Starmer’s response? He fired Mandelson, sure, but only after the public saw the emails, and only after his own Chief of Staff, Morgan McSweeney, had to walk the plank for him .
But Mandelson is just the appetizer in this banquet of ick. Let’s not forget Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, the “pervert” (since we are being honest) who is so deeply entangled in the Epstein web that he reportedly had to be moved from Royal Lodge under the cover of darkness . Emails show Andrew sharing confidential trade reports with Epstein, including documents about investment opportunities in Afghanistan . There are allegations that Epstein provided Andrew with a woman to have sex with. And yet, Starmer’s biggest concern seems to be how to distance himself from the stench, rather than why these people were ever allowed within spitting distance of power.
Which brings us to the final insult: the “corruption” in the NHS.
Now, Starmer loves to blame the Tories for the state of the health service. And sure, they did a number on it. But while Starmer is busy playing geopolitical games with war-profiteers, the actual cash is being nicked from the front line. Just last month, an ex-NHS credit controller was jailed for defrauding Guys and St Thomas’ NHS Trust of over £300,000 .
The man, Edias Mazambani, was a “key player” in a scam that filtered money through multiple accounts in a classic money-laundering scheme . He was an employee, a trusted insider, bleeding the system dry.
This is the ultimate irony of the Starmer era. While the Prime Minister is happy to hand a £330 million contract to a foreign surveillance company with the blood of migrants on its hands, a low-level bureaucrat is in court for skimming a fraction of that amount . One is a national scandal involving genocide-enabling tech and sleazy lobbyists; the other is a common criminal.
But Starmer doesn’t see it that way. For him, the “corruption” in the NHS isn’t the systemic privatization and data harvesting—it’s the little guy getting caught. The big guys? The Mandelsons, the Palantirs? They get a pass. They get contracts. They get ambassadorial roles.
Starmer promised a return to “honest government.” Instead, he’s given us a government of Epstein’s pen pals, Israeli defense contractors, and serial fraudsters. It’s not a Labour government; it’s a rogues’ gallery with a cabinet.
The only mystery left is how long the British public will keep buying tickets to the show.