In a shocking turn of events that has surprised absolutely no one, former President Donald J. Trump has reportedly expressed a desire for a new, shiny award. Sources close to the matter (a.k.a. anyone with an internet connection and a memory longer than a goldfish’s) confirm that the man whose name is already plastered on buildings, steaks, and bottled water is feeling a bit under-decorated.
This insatiable hunger for accolades, however, is not resulting in a shelf full of Nobel Prizes. Instead, it has spawned a national comedy festival and a collective, weary resistance best described as “the tyranny of cringe.”
The “Most Historical” History Buff
The saga began in earnest with Trump’s now-legendary fascination with “Most Historical” designations. Not content to let historians—with their pesky “facts” and “context”—decide what’s historical, he has repeatedly suggested that his own rallies, speeches, and even his arrest mugshot are landmarks of unprecedented significance. This has led to a wave of citizen-generated “awards” bestowed upon him by a snickering public.
· The “Most Peaceful Transition of Power (Runner-Up)” Award: Presented by meme-makers everywhere, commemorating the uniquely creative interpretation of presidential handover protocols in January 2021.
· The “Gold Medal in Cognitive Gymnastics”: Awarded by late-night hosts for his unparalleled ability to claim he both won an election in a landslide and lost it due to historic fraud, all in the same sentence.
· The “Participation Trophy for Democracy”: A crowd-sourced honor celebrating his belief that showing up is, in fact, 90% of the law.
America’s Resistance: Not With a Bang, But a Groan
How is the nation resisting this soft tyranny of self-aggrandizement? Not with dramatic coups or fiery speeches (well, not only those). The primary weapon of choice has become the potent, deflating power of the joke.
When the former president demands a medal, social media responds by photoshopping his face onto the cover of Boy’s Life magazine for a “Bug Collecting Merit Badge.” When he claims an action was the “greatest in history,” satirists immediately create rankings where he places just below the invention of the spork and just above the guy who decided to put pineapples on pizza.
This is the resistance of the eye-roll, the collective sigh of a patient parent dealing with a toddler who insists his macaroni-art belongs in the Louvre. It’s a defiance rooted in the firm belief that the highest office in the land shouldn’t also come with a constant plea for a “Best Office-Holder” ribbon.
The “Covfefe Cup” for Consistency
Perhaps the greatest symbol of this phenomenon is the mythical “Covfefe Cup”—an award the internet has dedicated to his most inexplicable and yet strangely persistent contributions to the English language. It represents the public’s decision to meet his hunger for legacy not with reverence, but with relentless, good-natured ribbing.
Political analysts suggest this joke-fueled resistance is uniquely American. “We don’t just get mad,” explained Dr. Ava Riiyefromthejoke, a professor of Satirical Studies at Midwestern State. “We get even… on Twitter. We weaponize absurdity. By drowning his demands for gravitas in an ocean of memes about his hair or his diet, we rob the tyranny of its pretentious power. It’s hard to claim you’re a fearsome Caesar when half the country is laughing about your struggle with a water bottle.”
The Final, Ironic Award
In the end, Donald Trump may get his award. But it likely won’t be the one he wants. If history is written by the victors, then the jesters are currently drafting a very specific footnote: The “Lifetime Achievement Award in Inspiring Other People’s Comedy.” And the acceptance speech, delivered by a nation of exhausted citizens, will simply be: “Thanks. We guess. Now can we talk about something else?”
The tyranny of self-worship meets the democracy of dunking. The score, for now: Jokes 1, Trophy Case full of imaginary prizes, 0. America soldiers on, resisting not with muskets, but with punchlines.