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<\/figure>\n\n\n\nThis week, the former\u2014and perhaps future\u2014gong farmer of Mar-a-Lago took a break from hawking digital trading cards with his face photoshopped onto a cowboy\u2019s body to announce that he is \u201cin serious negotiations\u201d with the Islamic Republic of Iran. According to Trump, these talks are going \u201cvery well.\u201d In fact, according to Trump, the Iranians are \u201cdesperate\u201d to make a deal. They\u2019re calling him constantly. They love him. They respect him. They\u2019re probably sending him love letters written in saffron ink on Persian silk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There is just one tiny, microscopic, itty-bitty problem: none of this is happening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Officials from the Biden administration, current intelligence briefers, and\u2014most inconveniently\u2014the actual government of Iran all say that there are no negotiations. No back channels. No secret emissaries shuttling between Geneva and Doral. There isn\u2019t even a phone call.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But why would facts get in the way of a good monologue? When you\u2019re a \u201cstable genius,\u201d you don\u2019t wait for negotiations to happen; you simply declare that they are happening and declare yourself the winner. It\u2019s the Trump Doctrine: We have the best concepts of a plan. Believe me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This is the same man who promised that North Korea would be denuclearized so fast it would make your head spin. We got \u201cLove Letters\u201d from Kim Jong Un and a lot of signed hotel lobby placemats. The missiles kept flying. Now, he\u2019s applying the same scorched-earth approach to the Persian Gulf: declare victory, define reality through a Truth Social post at 2:37 AM, and hope nobody notices that there\u2019s no actual deal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The punchline here\u2014and there is always a punchline, because the Trump era has taught us that geopolitics is just an improv set\u2014is that by claiming \u201cvictory\u201d before talks have even started, Trump has done the one thing he is historically great at: he\u2019s humiliated himself on the world stage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n By insisting Iran is \u201cdesperate,\u201d he has boxed himself into a corner. If he re-enters office and tries to negotiate, the Iranians now know they can demand the moon, because they hold the leverage. After all, if Trump already claimed they were begging for a deal before a single diplomat was dispatched, what will he claim when they actually show up? That they\u2019re offering to rename Tehran to \u201cTrump City\u201d and build a hotel at the top of Mount Damavand?<\/p>\n\n\n\n This is the core comedy of the modern GOP foreign policy platform. For four years, we were told that \u201cpeace through strength\u201d meant screaming about how everyone was scared of you. Now, it means inventing fictional phone calls to distract from the fact that your last big foreign policy win was moving a embassy to Jerusalem\u2014which, by the way, was celebrated by starting a firestorm that we are still trying to put out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The world is laughing. Not the nervous laughter of 2017, where world leaders weren\u2019t sure if he was serious. It\u2019s the laughter of a tired parent watching a toddler insist he\u2019s a T-Rex while wearing a sauce-stained bib. When the Iranian mission to the UN issues a statement saying, essentially, \u201cWe have no idea what this man is talking about, please send help,\u201d you have officially lost the plot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Trump wants to be seen as the ultimate dealmaker. But in reality, he\u2019s the ultimate delusion-maker. He isn\u2019t negotiating with Iran; he\u2019s negotiating with the mirror.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And in that negotiation, he\u2019s still losing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" In the annals of diplomatic history, there are titans of statecraft: Kissinger\u2019s shuttle diplomacy, Reagan\u2019s \u201ctear down this wall\u201d ultimatum, and now, the latest entry\u2014whatever reality-TV fever dream Donald Trump thinks is happening with Iran. This week, the former\u2014and perhaps future\u2014gong farmer of Mar-a-Lago took a break from hawking digital trading cards with his face […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5215,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[84,88,80],"tags":[14,98,99,64,13],"class_list":["post-5213","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-maga-america","category-oligarch-scum","category-trump","tag-israel","tag-pedophile","tag-shagskids","tag-trump","tag-zionist"],"aioseo_notices":[],"yoast_head":"\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/britonnewsnetwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/IMG_0112-1024x871.jpeg\")
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